my life.

I'm getting older and I need something to rely on. . .

I'm in my room back in Jersey squeezed onto the floor because my shit from school is all over, cuddling with my platypus, on my laptop talking to my roommate. Because this is how my life came crashing down around me, however melodramatic that sounds. I will bounce back from these realizations, but for the night I will dwell and wallow in my pain of missing everything that school is to me, including my very very very good friends. It probably doesn't help that I'm listening to "Somewhere Only We Know" on repeat, but it's what I'm doing :D A few days before I left for school, my friend Bronte and I got into a conversation about marriage, which honestly is an odd topic at our school. Normally we're talking about gender, identity or quidditch. I admitted to her that as long as I met the right man and wouldn't have to give up my goals or dreams I would totally get married now, which took her aback a bit, especially because I am a very independent, self-sufficient person. But its the truth. If I had the chance to get married now or in the near future I would do it, and I've always thought I was going to get married when I was youngish. Of course it would be much more realistic if I had a boyfriend. . . but I don't know if that's happening anytime soon. Anyway, reason I bring this up is because I'm thinking about reliability, and constants. I know that the whole world is temporary, but things have been changing so fast and so vastly for me since January that I'm desperately searching for something to be constant in my life. Not that it doesn't change or grow, but something that I know will always be there and will not leave me.

Too much to ask? I figured :D

<3 maybe I'll be more coherent soon.

Once again.

The moon shone down

Illuminated only shadows,

the shapes of who we were

You could not see my eyes

You would never realize the tears I shed that night

Your lips grazed my forehead, as the wind brushes past your cheek

A sudden dark abyss

I lost you once and I would lose you again

GO

With no warning,

only the sense of utter chaos,

my feet pounded the dirt trodden road

In escape finding redemption

STOP

The moon illuminates the clearing

an open circle polluted with whispering memories

poems brushed by my ears, as though I were a willow tree,

Wrote of words that you spoke

strung together by haunting horn

Every sworn promise, every story told

Every moment captured.

GO

Forward under the silver-gold moon

the figures of fog dance

rotating, expanding condensing

in time to your own words

until frustration screams out

everything broken

STOP

the moon illuminates the figure

moving towards my collapsed form

outstretched hand offering a simple promise

a partner to dance with,

a partner to create new stories

until night ends once more

a cool breeze where your lips once were

GO

I will repair what has been broken

pick up the pieces, plant them as though they were wildflowers

the clearing will no longer be a graveyard for my memories

I will sew my own wounds closed,

wait for them to form their own scars, blend in with pale skin

blemished by years of waiting to see you alive once more.

STOP

GO

LIVE AGAIN