Too much to ask? I figured :D
<3 maybe I'll be more coherent soon.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
I'm getting older and I need something to rely on. . .
I'm in my room back in Jersey squeezed onto the floor because my shit from school is all over, cuddling with my platypus, on my laptop talking to my roommate. Because this is how my life came crashing down around me, however melodramatic that sounds. I will bounce back from these realizations, but for the night I will dwell and wallow in my pain of missing everything that school is to me, including my very very very good friends. It probably doesn't help that I'm listening to "Somewhere Only We Know" on repeat, but it's what I'm doing :D A few days before I left for school, my friend Bronte and I got into a conversation about marriage, which honestly is an odd topic at our school. Normally we're talking about gender, identity or quidditch. I admitted to her that as long as I met the right man and wouldn't have to give up my goals or dreams I would totally get married now, which took her aback a bit, especially because I am a very independent, self-sufficient person. But its the truth. If I had the chance to get married now or in the near future I would do it, and I've always thought I was going to get married when I was youngish. Of course it would be much more realistic if I had a boyfriend. . . but I don't know if that's happening anytime soon. Anyway, reason I bring this up is because I'm thinking about reliability, and constants. I know that the whole world is temporary, but things have been changing so fast and so vastly for me since January that I'm desperately searching for something to be constant in my life. Not that it doesn't change or grow, but something that I know will always be there and will not leave me.
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Procrastinating on finals by commenting on your blog? Yes <3
ReplyDeleteI feel that way about marriage, too, and it weirds most of my American friends out. My parents met when they were 17 and 18 and got married at 23/22 and I was born shortly after that. Divorce, for several cultural reasons, has never been an option, even in the darkest of times. And that's sort of the mentality I still have.
When I close my eyes and imagine my life in 10 years, I see myself sitting at a kitchen counter drinking tea, reading the Times and getting my three children ready for school. I'm sure I'll also be working, and I know the kind of work I want to do, but I've always said that I want to have all my children before I turn 30 and that will be a priority in my life. I'm not really worried that I won't find a life-long partner before then, either; as long as it's someone who shares my values and lifestyle choices and respects me, I think I'll be okay. Marriage is something I value tremendously and would only ever agree to for life.
-Anna