Goodbyes

It's the end of my spring semester.

Things are drawing to a close and I'm not the first to leave anymore. In a sense it's actually worse, because I have to watch all the people I love most in my life at school leave while everything for me just stays the same. Good-byes are never easy. They are consistently painful.

When I look back over this semester, I realize that there is so much that has changed. I've lost a lot of friends and I've grown up in a lot of ways.

And the hardest parts of good-byes are always telling your best friends "See you in August" when it's only the beginning of May.

It's nearly impossible to say goodbye to the people that you see everyday, to the people that bring you through the most difficult times in your lives.

This semester, this year, sucked in a lot of ways. And yet, there was one person who literally dealt with everything, picked up the pieces when I was sure nothing was left. And it breaks my heart that I wont get to see her until August.

Jess, you're my bestest friend here and I love you very much. I don't know what I'm going to do without your constant torture and offensiveness, I don't know who is going to kick (or at least threaten to kick) people's asses for me, I dont know who's going to hate the same people I hate. It's going to suck not seeing you everyday.

Here's to August.

I only have a bit of time until I'm supposed to be at dinner. But all i want to do right now is spend that night in my room with my phone shut off. With the boy not having any service, I know im not going to be hearing from him, which is typically my stress relief. But I am just so bogged down by everyone who needs needs needs.

Which sounds ridiculously selfish.

But its a very tiring existence when people just keep dumping all of their issues on you, as though there was nothing good happening in their life. I mean clearly life must be better than what you're saying. All the time. If you have shitty friends its time to get new ones.

I love helping people out with their problems, but if your problem is constantly that your friends suck STOP HANGING OUT WITH THEM.

Really, it's going to make your life like a million times better.

On that same vein-

STOP COMPLAINING that we never see each other if you're never around!!! Like really, why haven't you seen anyone this week? Because you're NOT around. And when I ask you if you want to do something you blow me off. You're hanging out with your other friends, which is TOTALLY fine by me, but dont freaking complain that you haven't see anyone all week because that my friend is your own fault. And you coming to my room for five seconds is not going to fix that.

Also, I'm pretty sure I'm just in a mood.

UGH.

It's been entirely too long

It's been wayyy too long since I've written. Normally when I sit down to blog its because I have something particular in mind to talk about, but in this moment I'm still recovering from many hours of reading applications so I'm pretty sure this post won't be cohesive.

There have been a whole lot of things that have happened in life since I last posted, and in a lot of ways I couldn't even express the magnitude of what's been going on. Life is funny in a way that when one part of your life starts falling apart, another part of your life starts dramatically looking up. In the past, I've only ever written when I've been upset or made some major life decision or had some major life revelation. In truth though, as much as parts of my life are sucking, things are really quite good right now.

At the end of last year I watched my best friend walk out of my life, and watched another person become a presence in my life that I didn't even know that I needed. While I'm still trying to deal with all the residual emotions of the end of last year, I'm starting to fall back in love. Back in love with my studies, back in love with my work, back in love with myself.

I'm happy.

Today in class, my professor (who is also my advisor) and I were talking about my courses for this semester, and I looked at him and said "Yeah I think this is the first semester I'm actually in love with ALL my classes"

A few weeks ago, I decided that I really wasn't a religion and psychology major, but in fact was just a religion major. Coming to terms with this (overachiever that I obviously am) took a lot of discernment and understanding of myself. But in all seriousness, I've never been happier with my course studies.

I got offered a research assistant position for next year which was a huge factor in me deciding not to go abroad (a point which my boyfriend tries to get me to rethink when I bring it up). I'm exciting to be working with this professor on a lot of things that pertain directly to the rest of my life. I'll have time as I get older to travel abroad, and hopefully write my book based on that research (look at me overachieving again).

I've been listening to a lot of my old school music lately which is quite weird for me, yet its also illuminating for me.

I have also decided to start blogging about religion. . .

And this is the end of this RAMBLE RAMBLE RAMBLE

<3