Icky

this is about to get seriously personal . . . if you're uncomfortable knowing too much about me, stop reading now. If you're going to judge me, get off my blog :)

They say that there are two sides to every story, and the same rings true for people. I know it especially rings true for me. There are two parts to who I am and depending on who you are and what our relationship is like, you might know a different part of both sides.

Side number one:
The confident collected cool never caring what people think side, my secure I don't give a fuck what you think about me, and I could care less. The side of me that's okay with being loud and crazy and sexy. It's the side that wants to be bad, the side that wants there to be something totally seductive to the rest of the world. It's the side of me that wants to be everything i've been afraid to be, to embrace the inner sexy person that I am. This is the side of me that engages in most of the typical college experience, the one that makes interesting decisions sometimes but lives life in every moment. This is the side of me that comes off as a bitch, the side that's not afraid to confront you and deal with you. It's my side that i live with most days, the part of me that can be stand off-ish or evasive because I'd rather deal with that than have to confront the consequences. It's the side that makes me a personable person, the side that makes me deal.

Side number two:
My inner questioner. The side that will not let anything just happen, the side that keeps questioning everything that goes on. This is the side of me that's afraid, the side of me that doesn't want me to get too close to another person for utter fear of being hurt. This is the side of me that deals with abandonment issues and reject problems. This is my weaker side. The side that curls up to hide. The side that is emotional and totally raw. It's at my core, always present, never leaving. It's the side with the weak self esteem, the side that cares more about people than they care about me. It's the side that gets hurt and the side that cries. It's where I do my best.

And then there's the person I strive hardest to me- a healthy combination of the two sides, a little sexy, a little confident, a little cautious, a little afraid, a little crazy. It's the glory of having different sides.

There are times though when it gets in the way, when one side takes control of the other and I wind up in a funk.

This posting's a little. . . weird. not where i thought I'd go but i have a lot going on in my mind right now and more has just been added.

It's harry potter time

with my cozy bankie :)